Break Up with a Dear Friend

   Hey... I know it's been a while and that I really haven't had the time to talk but now is probably the best time.

   First, let me bring you back to many many years ago when I first met you. Those were the days weren't they? I remember you so new and fresh, your disk drive so nice and clean and your buttons, so easily pushed and able to take even the slightest of movements. You and I were the same being, the same body of plastic and metal through the wire of your controller. I expertly dispatched many a foe, with your smooth controls and design. But as you and I both know, PS2, everything changes.

   I think it all started when I noticed a very slight change in your button pressure. Nothing big, very little change in the way you functioned, and certainly nothing a cotton swab and water couldn't fix, but it really just escalated from there. Soon I found that you couldn't handle the newer games, for some reason games that had a blue under disc were impossible to read, just the price of being an older model I suppose. But it didn't matter to me and we were able to hang on to the good games like Metal Gear Solid, Ratchet and Clank, and Jak and Daxter.

   Then I heard rumors, rumors of a new console that would be ground breaking and technologically superior to you. I dismissed them of course, saying that there wasn't any reason to leave you behind for something else, but at the back of my mind there stayed a glinting feeling of want for something new. Then I was further tempted by previews of the so called PS3, the new generation of Sony consoles. The graphics, astonishing, the gameplay, amazing! I was in awe as I watched the tech and game demos. But I stood by you. You and your aging design, lacking graphics, and thinning of blockbuster titles.

   It was inevitable though. The PS3 was released and more and more people bought into its sleek design, and new SixAxis controls. So there I sat, those around me, friends and aquatences, getting the newest thing, the pinnacle of console gaming... while I sat and looked at the error screens and lack of memory messages that you gave me so often due to your growing age, forever longing for the thing that I now wanted.

   So therefore I say I thank you and I will never forget you. You were there for me whenever I needed you but must move on, on to a new and better game system. Maybe one day we will see each other again when I'm feeling nostalgic, but for now I leave you with just this... 3.










I Just wrote about an inanimate object and I having a bond of friendship and me leaving it for another  inanimate object..... And I hope you thoroughly enjoyed it!

A Vengance Blog of Vengeful Revenge... For English

   Okay, here we go revenge, lets give this a shot.

   Now you may be able to tell from my last entry on this blog that I get pretty excited to to these blog posts so allow me my comrades in English to describe to you what revenge is. Revenge is in fact to exact punishment or expiation for a wrong on behalf of, especially in a resentful or vindictive spirit. Now that is my definition of the word, no copy and paste used here, definitely not from dictionary.com, no sirree. Like if you went to dictionary.com and looked at every definition except for the first one you would be hard pressed to find it. However let me give it to you in simpler terms just as insurance that you've got it down. In fact, come with me on this literary journey we call a blog and I will give you a few examples beforehand.

   Our first example will be the revenge classic told for ages and ages and one that will stand the test of time further still, Dishonored for the PlayStation 3 and Xbox 360. Alright I'll admit it, its not an ancient epic, but with a story like this it possibly could be. We begin in the steam punk influenced city/empire of Dunwall where royal bodyguard and protector to the Empress and her daughter Emily, Corvo Attano, has returned from far off lands where he was searching for a cure for the ongoing plague that is ravaging the populace. Right off the bat you are ambushed and Empress Jessamine is assassinated right in front of you, while Emily is kidnapped. Of course you were the only one to witness this event so naturally you are framed for the murder by the High Overseer (police force chief) and the Lord Regent (second in command to the empress) who have now taken over the state.

   To make a very long but awesome story short for the sake of time and carpal tunnel, you escape your captors, and meet up with the resistance movement in Dunwall who know you have not committed the crime. Advised by Admiral Havelock you go from protector to assassin either killing or just ruining the lives of all who have betrayed you in a revenge filled onslaught of destruction. After saving Emily and either killing the Lord Regent or revealing that he was actually behind the plague the whole time having been the one to infect the rats that spread it you are congratulated on a job well done by Havelock and have a celebratory drink to the Empire..... Only to be POISONED by him. He reveals that he intends to take over the empire now as the new Lord Regent. That's right everyone we have a case of double betrayal. You survive the poisoning thanks to a loyal friend whom put in less than the recommended dosage, and yes there is a recommended dosage for poisons. Now there is no holding back, you go straight for Havelock, brutally murder him in vengeful spite and save Emily again. Also throughout the whole game you've been given these special powers by this guy called the Outsider but whatever.

    So what'd we learn children. We learned that revenge can be carried out by anyone that has a big chip on their shoulder, who usually is avenging a specific person, and who can kill anyone in their path to get to what they really want to kill. Also never mess with a freaking assassin with superpowers and a creepy mask 'shiver.'

Scary Face

   Alright what are we halfway through this damn this is long... also am I allowed to say damn on an English blog... meh whatever. Alright so next up on the agenda, is another video game, but don't worry most of you have most likely heard of or played this one. Because lets be honest who doesn't want to take revenge on some green pigs who have built extremely unstable structures out of various materials, who have stolen your precious eggs. If you haven't guessed it yet its Angry Birds, the game that the human race has collectively played for a longer time than we we have been on this planet, its true, look it up. Now the story to this is quite simple, you play as birds 'gasp', who are angry, and who are after the pigs that stole their eggs. I hate when this happens. Anyways they lead a huge campaign through endless, and I mean endless amounts of stages to get back your prized eggs.

...you wouldn't like me when I'm angry.

   They go through hell, Rio, space and back to save these babies and it keeps happening for no absolute reason 'cough' huge amounts of money 'cough cough', ugghh sorry, caught a cold recently. So their revenge is based upon the loss of something very dear to them to someone else whom they wish to get revenge on. Sounds familiar don't it, no, you sure, really, well then, let me clear it up for you.

   Here it is, the whole reason for this lengthy blog post. Revenge is when you are wronged by someone and you go on a goshdarned rampage to get back at that someone in the most gruesome way possible. Or in a calm collect manor through the destruction of their good name, but the first one is more fun. Parallels can be drawn between both Dishonored and Angry Birds in that both the birds and Corvo had lost something dear to them and would do anything in the memory of what had happened to them. And hell lets tie this all together with Hamlet because that's what the assignment actually was. Hamlet is vengeful due to the assassination of his father, much like a certain guy whose name rhymes with norvo nttano. Then Hamlet goes through some feigned MADness much like a collection of animals of the avian variety. So that's it though, I hope you enjoy this blog that took me a whole study hall to write, time well spent.

    
 

Satirical Satire Blog on Satire for English

   Hey, you. Ya you. Did you ever hear of satire, if not then you are lying my friend. Okay so maybe you can't put your finger on the exact definition, but you can find satire everywhere and anywhere there is comedy. That's right satire and comedy go hand in hand, satire is the observational mocking of a certain quirk in human behavior, and therefore could be viewed as a sort of subset of comedy.

   You may be wondering "Why write a blog on something like this, something that is so commonly known, even if not by name?" Unfortunately I cannot answer that question and would have to refer you to my English teacher.

   But back on track, "The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn" by Mark Twain is the novel that we are currently reading in class. I like the novel, I find it interesting, informative, and... dare I say it... satirical. Yes "Huckleberry Finn" is a very satirical piece of literature. The book pokes fun at and criticizes slavery, feuds, and southern mannerisms during the antebellum period of 'Murica, and therefore meeting the requirements of being satire.

   Now my English teacher says that I have to relate this to something that I find satirically funny so bear with me. There is a video by the name of "The Confession" by one of my favorite youtubers known as Thomas Ridgewell or Tomska. I have supplied this link for you to watch the video. I find this video hilarious because it seems to me that it is just the stupid type of comedy that I do so enjoy. However, the laws of the English language would beg to differ as it is really more satirical than anything else. The short makes fun of the ways that we human beings, faults and all, try to communicate in the most awkward of ways and I hope you thoroughly enjoy it.

   Yet another example extremely well done satire comes from another youtuber whom I follow by the name of Toby Turner with the channel name Tobuscus. I recommend all of his videos but one of the most satirical could be the I-pad mini spoof ad of which I happen to have a link for you right here. This video makes fun of  Apple adverts that we consume through our eyes everyday, plus c'mon, with a name like Tobuscus you just know he's hilarious.

   "But ASW, how is this possibly relevant or relatable in the slightest to Huck Finn?" I'm sure is the question you are racking around in that big brain of yours right about now, well allow me to clear it up for you. Huck Finn pokes fun at things that we may have lost sight of today, but were major issues back in the nineteenth century, where as Tomska presents us with a very modern and relatable situation in which we can all find humor. Tobuscus also provides us with a satirical view on Apple advertisements that many people could recognize. Therefore the satirical views on a popular topic to both be funny and to get a point across are what we can connect these three very different examples of satire with.

   I really hope you enjoyed this heartfelt blog post and also see my points on satire for my English teacher's sake. Also, my teacher wants us to have at least 500 words in this bloggity thingamajig, so why not have a little insurance: bat, rat, that, cat, fat, phat, flat, dat, brat, begat, mat, at, and finally gnat.